Blog Archive

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Challenge denied

"If anyone could make me a better person,
you could."

-Relient K; Must Have Done Something Right

um... hullo. Insert awkward stiff wave.
As you know, I didn't quite finish the 20 DAY CELEBRITY PHOTO CHALLENGE because it becomes quite boring along the way and I've got no motivation at all to continue the photo challenge. So,

Sis is back from Kansas! It is nice to have her home, getting quiet here without her company. After a half-year of nobody knocking my door early in the morning and waking up a grumpy me, it is quite a nice and refreshing change. Although I am still (and always will be) grumpy whenever she does that. I'm also savoring 6 months where nobody invades my personal space (i.e. my bed!!!), and needless to say, she's always lounging on my bed - and even shooing me. Whut! But still, it's nice to not be doing everything alone :-)

The first several weeks of my (unofficial) school holiday, I spent lazing on my bed and pigging out of everything, doing nothing productive. I eat on my bed. I read on my bed. I play on my bed. I sleep on my bed. Cobwebs were formed on top of my head and my teeth is decaying. Holiday has somehow gotten extremely boring and pointless after I finished watching fresh sets of movie series every day. I began to doubt my existence, and my point of living.

But then sis came home, and it looks like my holiday turned a drastic change - good one, though. Sis, Vivian and I became a member of My Life Gym and uhm... began exercising. I hate it. I loathe it to hell. But what to do, anything is better than getting back to my old boring pattern, and Gym with my Personal Trainer actually started to sound quite good in my head, despite the tender muscles. This morning, I woke up with sore thighs, arms, and back and it hurts so much that it's hard to even turn a goddamn lock. Going down the stairs is no longer an easy task, and my stomach hurts when I laugh. And yet, despite all that, I'm actually looking forward to meeting dear PT tomorrow. Right now I am chanting in my head (with thousands of chipmunk voices) LOSE WEIGHT! LOSE WEIGHT! LOSE WEIGHT!

Hearing sis talk about her great time in Kansas made me wish I grow older quickly so I can escape from Medan and just go there. Truthfully, I'm getting sick and uninterested in everything (which some people have  noticed). It's not like I was being emo or anything, it's just I don't even find it in me to care about anything anymore. Feeling like such a bad and horrible person :-(. I wish I can forget everything some people have done or said that makes me view them differently. I can't even read your tweets without cringing or scowling in distaste anymore! And you used to be such a good friend. It completely annoys me how you've turned into somebody so unlikable. But I guess I can't judge you either, you probably think that I'm completely lame... or whatever. The worst thing is, I don't even hate you! I can't even bring myself to care to hate you. It's like you, along with other people just automatically transferred to a part of my memory that I don't want to recall. Ever. It would be really nice to never see you and your sickening face ever again.

Remember how you used to say that you feel guilty for hating or saying bad things about people? Well, I'll let you in on a little secret: just saying that you feel "guilty" doesn't change a thing. Ironically, after you said you felt guilty, you immediately continued writing stuff that actually hurts, I guess you'll never know how that feels because you've never been on the receiving end of it. All the time, you were just throwing and sprinkling hate like freaking fairy dust or something, maybe it does not matter to you because you were the one saying it, but do you even think of the people who you said those things about? At least don't make it too obvious. Please. You don't know how much those hate lower people's self-esteem. Including mine.

Still. Who am I to judge? It's not like I'm the most angelic innocent little angel anyway. I write hateful stuff too. Actually, writing those things above made me feel like a hypocrite, but it's really what I wanted to say. I know a lot of people said stuff like don't talk behind my back, just say it directly to my face or whatever, but think... what if it actually happened? What if I really came to you and say those hateful stuff right to your face? First of all, everything would be mega-awkward and secondly, our relationship would be POOF! ashes, in a matter of seconds. How do you suggest we mend it again? So, despite all those talks of you should be honest with me or just tell me if I did something you don't like, I think that the best way to relieve my extreme disappointment and distaste towards you is this, typing everything on my blog like a chicken. At least after this, I would be able to talk to you like best buds, like nothing happened. Nothing at all. After all, it's just another hate to bury. To never be talked about again.

You know what? I used to genuinely like you. I used to like being around you and talk to you. That was before everything, and I think you know it too. It's like if the real thing is made of glass, ours is made of plastic. Fake. And it will never be broken, because every time it falls, we just pick it up again and pretend nothing happened. Our glass is now probably broken to millions of pieces, and honestly? I don't even want to mend it again. I just wish that you will just disappear. For good. When my anger and frustrations towards you had passed, I realized that it's not the usual petty bitch-hate anymore. More like extremely disappointed, and I'm actually really sad to throw all those years away, but you're a really different person now! Or maybe I've just finished unraveling you and now that I know who you truly are, I'm not sure I want to be around someone like you anymore.

I realize that my argument just kind of collapse on itself, because I write hateful things about people who write hateful things and yeah, maybe I'm a hypocrite. Maybe I'm two faced. Maybe I'm a hater/ a hateful person. But just don't pretend that you're any better. We both know that you're just as rotten as everyone else, so don't act like you're a saint, cause I sure as hell know that you can't be further away from the definition of saint. You're fucking evil, and you make people feel small and inferior. You're manipulative, and you spurt out lies like breathing out air. You always act like you're innocent and pin all the fault on somebody else. You can't stand not bitching about someone in the worst ways. You don't care about people, not even your friends. You only care about your own interest and what's best for you, and I am thoroughly done with you. I'm pretty sure I'll never feel any kind of friendliness and care towards you anymore. I want to have nothing to do with you ever again. For someone who looks pretty, you sure have a rotten heart. So say whatever you want about me, just know that you're no better.

You sicken me.

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Waking up from a nightmare

"People will hate you, rate you, shake you, and break you,
But how strong you stand is what makes you."

- Khloe Kardashian

Day 5: A photo of a celebrity whose hair you'd like to have.

The thing about celebrities is that they change hairstyles like... like... the point is, they change hairstyles so damn quickly. I can't think of a simile so let's just stick with they change hairstyles so damn quickly. So I'm going to just pick one hairstyle I like most...

Turns out I don't really want any hairstyles. And I'm tired and irritated right now so I don't want to look for any pictures. Fornicate.

Thank god tomorrow's a holiday, I'll probably break down from all the stress and sleep deprivation if I need to wake up at 5 again tomorrow. The feeling of leaving your bed and getting ready for hell is pretty much the worst. 

And also, I made an observation! I will always- mind you, always be sleepy from morning til' 9 p.m, but when I reached my bed at night, I can't seem to fall asleep. What kind of sorcery is this?!?! So here is my hypothesis: For people who are suffering the same fate as me, I think that we're all slowly evolving into an owl. Makes sense, right? I'm okay with being an owl, just don't make me grow a pair of wings or a beak. 

My room is now uncomfortably hot even though I've set my air-conditioner to the highest level and the lowest temperature. I'm literally sweating and sticky and currently fighting the urge to take a freezing cold shower. I just want to sleep so that I'll get rid of this stupid one-eyed double eyelid I got because of not enough sleep. Looks like crap. My eyes are uneven.

Wednesday, April 04, 2012


"Be miserable.
Or motivate yourself.
Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice."

- Wayne Dyer

In case you were wondering- my title stands for one of the songs in SHINee's Mini Album Sherlock, Stranger. I noticed that the song was in Japanese but that doesn't make it any less awesome! Now using it as the song for my alarm clock, it's nice to be woken up by gorgeous voices and good songs.

Day 4: A photo of your favorite rapper.

I'm determined to make this an all-korean challenge, so my favorite Korean rapper is... none other than Yong Junhyung from B2ST!

If you'e heard B2ST's songs before, you might have noticed that the rap is very fast and tongue-twisting. According to me, he's a very talented (and handsome!) rapper. Too bad he already has a girlfriend. But no problem, they're not married yet! There's still a chance that they might break up!

Tuesday, April 03, 2012


"It's never wise to dwell on the love you are not getting.
Focus on giving the love you want to receive."

Day 3: A photo of the celebrity you would turn gay/lesbian for.

Hmm... I'm not sure about this, really. I can't think of any celebrity that I would turn lesbian for, so it's kinda hard haha. I guess the celebrity who I think is closest to perfection would do?

There you go, the ever-so-beautiful IU! Not only that, she also has damn beautiful voice that can literally go three octaves lol it's hardcore. I think that a lot of guys would find her as their ideal girl. And you know what she's petite somemore!!! How can resist a pretty little girl with charming voice leh.

History oral test tomorrow and I'm freaking out. I don't know how I'm supposed to cram all those into my brain and even if I succeeded tonight, there's a huge chance that I'll forget a large chunk of it tomorrow. So freaking stressed and I'm only blogging to get away from it for a little while. Worst thing is that now's almost midnight, and I haven't even finished studying HALF of it. Looks like I'm not getting any good sleep tonight. Really regretting not learning this old poo sooner. And worse, I have been deprived from sleep these past 2 nights, only managing to sleep for barely 4 hours before the annoying alarm clock goes off and I need to wake the hell up or else I'm gonna be late. I became so sleepy in tuitions and feel guilty :(

This is also Ms Satya's fault! Trust her for giving the biggest homework on the most important night of the week for me. I really need to study History, and god knows how long I take to memorize shit. Then need to do her stupid homework again or else she'll gimme a C. Crossing my fingers that I miraculously find all these topics easy peasy and remembered all of them until the test tomorrow. After that, I don't give a damn if I got freaking amnesia or something.

Monday, April 02, 2012

Stressed out

being hurt too many times doesn't make you stronger.
it destroys who you were,
who you wanted to be, 
and makes you who you are today."

Day 2: A photo of the celebrity you would marry if you were given the chance.

Do I even need to do this? Of course... Kiseop! My lovely hunny bunny sweetie pie my little cute charming angel so freaking handsome and gorgeous and perfect and look at those eyes oh god i'm hyperventilating somebody save me from his intense gaze oh my gawdddd :"""""")

I actually am starting to like Onew too, but I can't want to marry him cos that means that I'd be sharing the same husband with Key. And I don't want that. I want OnKey to be together forever without anyone disturbing or causing chaos in their relationship. coughs.

I'm having a really bad flu today, and coughs are starting to show up too. My nose is blocked all day long and it's really difficult to breathe fml. Breathing from my mouth as I type this right now. Should've gone to sleep earlier but stupid Tumblr kept me up...
Why is Tumblr so difficult to use anyway? Is it only me or are all the functions so stupid and professional-looking? The themes are ugly as heck and I hate them to death, and I can't even edit 'em cos I have no knowledge or whatever in all those htmls. I wonder how all of them managed to have such good-looking and kawaii pages while mine looks like a thousand pigeons excreted on it. Yeah. That ugly wth I can't even stand looking at it. Keeping mine isolated till I find a way to deal with that poopbag. So mad at Tumblr right now!!!

But apart from that, I'm proud of myself today!!! I finished my essay on time without rushing- okay, a bit rushed, but you know what I mean, and complete with the ten-mark planning! I hate English, but I need those grades so I'll take the crap now. Just for now, I'll work hard. And I also learned my Tingxie! Legendary or what??? (puff chest out) My not-so-former cheating self would be so proud at me! fakingtearsrightnowtomakethislookdramatic

The internet connection is pissing me off, again, I don't know if everything is going wrong today or is this just because of the flu. So annoying. Sigh.

I don't know if this is a good or bad news: History oral test is postponed. It was supposed to be this morning, but Mr Michael postponed it till Wednesday. A part of me is relieved cos I wasn't even remotely prepared for the test just now, but a part of me is friiiigggiiiinnnnnn mad cos I stayed up till 1 am (with a bad flu and a throbbing headache, not forgetting stinging eyes) trying to study for the test, but failing miserably. I'm toe-dally hopeless.


Sunday, April 01, 2012

Challenge accepted!

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times,
if one only remembers to turn on the light."

- Albus Dumbledore 

Ah. I should be burying my head in dusty boring black-and-white history books trying to learn memorize how Hitler finally had total power in Deutschland. Or something like that. Instead I am now here blogging about useless fartbombs! (insert wail that resembles the sound of 100 dying elephants) okay elephants dying are not a nice thought. Forget about it. Stop it. Stop eyeing me as if I'm the dumbest piece of bread in the world. Just stop. It hurts my feelings. Bread have feelings too, you know. Despite being made by bacteria. 
Anyway! I stumbled upon this and thought that it was interesting...

Sounds fun right!!! and today's the first day of April so I guess that this might be a good start, and a reason to force me to blog everyday mahaha. You splendid people are gonna be stuck with my poopy posts!

Day 1: A photo of your favorite band.

Well needless to say, my favorite band is 샤이니 SHINee! Haha I added the word 'SHINee' to dictionary

Shall I elaborate further on why I was head over heels with them?
Firstly, I mean look at them. Look at them! Not clear enough? Zoom in on their faces. By now you should have realized that each one of them had god-like features and perfect shining pearly whites. Their height is good and they have well-built bodies. Key has the most awesome sense of fashion any guy can have, and Onew's face is smoother than tofu. And I mean just listen to his voice! How could anyone not fall for that?! Jonghyun is just too precious for words and he has irresistible puppy eyes. He resembles a dinosaur so much, and I'm seriously not kidding. There's a reason why he's nicknamed as Dino! The first time I saw him, I immediately retorted "This guy looks like a dinosaur!" to Elaine. I didn't know if she remembers it or not but it certainly is etched deep in my mind. 
And next, Taemin! I've got nothing much to say about Taemin (Elaine probably has a lot more lololol) but he's just so pretty and cute. I'm gonna stop there so that Taemints won't fell like I insulted his manliness. Wow, this is one awkward paragraph. And Minho, I used to not like him so much but he's getting cuter and cuter in my eyes! His eyes are getting bigger and bigger and like it's going to bulge out y'know hahahahahahahahahaha.....

As i think and think and think and think again, isn't SHINee a Boyband? So I decided to change my favorite band, as in people who play the musical instruments. And my favorite band is...

A photo of my favorite band

Duh, CN Blue of course!!!!!!!!!!!111
I started liking CN Blue when I watched Yongseo couple's We Got Married- CN Blue's Yonghwa and SNSD's Seohyun. Yonghwa was just everything you look for and he's just a perfect and sweet and mischievous and aaaaaaahhhhhh blrpblrpbrlrplrplrpbprplbprlbpr (drowning in fangirl sea
Did you know? the Blue in CN Blue actually refers to the members.
B stands for Burning- which is Jonghyun, L stands for Lovely- Minhyuk, U stands for Untouchable- Jungshin, and E stands for Emotional- none other than Yonghwa! KHAYAHAHAHAYAHAYAHYAHAYAHYAH
They were actually supposed to come to Jakarta last year, but we're having exams at school. You cannot imagine how heartbroken I was </3 all is well though, because of some sick twisted reasons they didn't come to Indonesia at all and my heart is at peace. Selfish bread detected muhaha.
Actually CN Blue just had their comeback too! Their song was Hey You and it was Ehma-zing! (I know I already written this word in the last post but it looks cool you know hahaha because they wrote it like that in The Clique but anyway going back to the important stuff...) Take a look at this video! Down there!

Do you like it? If you like it, go here to vote for them! I personally voted for SHINee cos I want them to win haha but you can vote for whoever you want. According to the poll yesterday, Shinhwa was in the first position, SHINee is second, and CN Blue is third but there's a huuuuge gap between them and SHINee. I feel kinda bad. Damn South Korea and their unlimited supply of gorgeous men! But if you want to vote, you still need to create an account and all those verifying crap, so yeah. It's free though, so you can do whatever you want. Knock yourself out.

I need to get back to the 1930s. Auf Wiedersehen!

Saturday, March 31, 2012

A fangirl's tale

I'm sure by now everyone already knew that the Ehma-zing BigBang had already released their song Fantastic Baby. I just want to stress how much I love their new song, so be prepared for some puke-worthy fangirling moments in this post.

Truthfully, I was never a big fan of BigBang. Sure, their songs were award-winning, but still, I would choose SHINee over them any day. One of my favorite BigBang song is Lie, and I will never ever get bored of it. And now they released Fantastic Baby, and gosh according to me, everything about it is perfect. The music video was legendary, G-dragon with a very eye-catching appearance as usual- that's why he's my favorite member in BigBang! But the other members were also looking good and etc!

BUT!!! SHINee's new song Sherlock is just magnificent and I loved it to death. Seriously. Not only my baby Key looks so daaaayyuuummm there (insert eyebrow twitch), but the song is o-god-so-damn-amazing multiplied by infinity. And Onew! He looks so fine and you know what the best thing is??? He has longer hair which I love to bits! His hair kinda looks like their Hello era, and actually I began liking him because of that lovely hair hehe. And his voice... literally sounded like honey and milk, so soft and like a thick sticky liquid. Wow. Does that sound wrong?

Because of their comeback, I became so immersed in OnKey again. Ogod I can't even express how much I love them *teary eyed. They look so good together, and when I begin to stop this crazy obsession, they always do something to pull me back to OnKey world and how can I resist? I mean look that this!!!

Is it just me or does this deserve a minute-long awwwwww?!?!?! I mean they are literally seducing me, going all cute and precious and oh my god they're just so perfect for each other! and look at this:

Stop doing this to me!!! Stop! I just can't get over the fact that Onew's looking at Key when he kissed the trophy aaaaawwww and look at their hands! AAAAHHHH I'm going to self-combust in happiness!!!